Bliss and the birth story

Thanks for all the well wishes! I'm always amazed by my friends and my online friends. Such a wonderful feeling you all give me.

We're doing well. I haven't been online much or anywhere really. I've just been holding my little one - i feel she's still in the womb somehow. Smaller than LD and she doesn't keep her eyes open for long yet. So I hold her and snuggle her and let her grow. Her first pediatrician appointment went well. She's already growing. A half inch in five days and she's right at birth weight. She was 7 lbs 15 ounces when born. Perfect size for an easy delivery. I seriously couldn't believe it.

I was in labor from 10 pm until 11 am with steady contractions and steady dilation but it was taking forever and I was starving. I hadn't eaten since noon the day before because i was waiting for my husband to get back from the store to make dinner. The contractions were becoming regular and he forgot the salmon so we just left for the hospital. We figured they were going to send me back home again and would just eat then. Just as they were about to release me (they only saw one contraction), they decided to track the contractions for another half hour and then they turned into 2 minutes apart. They stayed that way then went to every ten minutes. So weird. I didn't take an epidural and just laid there all night miserably hungry and worried about my husband and son in the waiting room. I only had one bar left on my cell phone, there was a bad snow storm outside and I didn't want to call in case they were sleeping. Not one ounce of sleep. At 7 I became miserably hungry and stressed out. I cried wanting to see my husband and son. I hated being alone in there. We called my mother in laws cousin to come so hubby could at least see the birth. I went ahead and let her break my water. I had refused through the night knowing that if we did, there was a very slim chance that we could get someone to the hospital to watch LD so i wouldn't let her. Then being so hungry around 9 a.m. i finally agreed to the pitocin. The nurse didn't want to check my dilation but i swore i was ready. Around 11 a.m. i felt her coming and the nurse wasn't believing me. I said "just check please." Sure enough, there was her head. A half hour of pushing which could have been shorter if i wasn't so nautious from being hungry. I seriously was in the most pain from being hungry which caused a bad headache and nausea. But still the pushing was easy. I didn't cry or scream out once. It was all very quiet and peaceful and there she was. Beautiful and perfect with such chubby little cheeks. I'm not used to such a small baby. It's weird how a pound and a half makes such a difference in delivery and size. She's so much smaller. She's actually wearing newborn clothes. I'm glad now i picked up a few things because LD went straight to 0-3 clothes. The hospital stay was nice too. It was actually nice to have her all to myself, snow outside and ice everywhere while i was in a cocoon with my little one. I don't think i let her out of my arms for more than a few minutes. When my husband and LD would visit it was wonderful too but savoring those alone minutes which have become so hard to get now really was something special and we bonded so fast because of it.

LD is doing much better than i could ever have imagined. He's changed in such a good way. He has emotional moments that seem to be from his desire to all of a sudden be responsible. And his feelings are very sensitive right now. He gets so upset if he does something wrong. So different from how he normally is. He's also been very careful around me. So weird to see the rambunctious boy i know to become so thoughtful. Our only real problem is that he wants her to play with him and gives her things like trains, marbles and magnets and hoists big toys on her (and me) unexpectedly. He explains to her what trains do and gives her his favorites. He won't let us play with his favorites when playing with him so that's a surprise. He also said "Baby doesn't like me. She doesn't talk to me." :-( We explained to him but he can't wait for her to get bigger and I want to keep her just the way she is. The sweetest moments are when he "reads" to her and sings her songs. MashAllah...those moments make me tear up.

I'm slow to respond to emails because i'm often one handed or nursing (i've been very greedy with her). I miss you all and love the messages I've got. You are all dear to me...thank you for everything.

We're home!

Quick post. We had our little one and are home. It was a very long labor but very easy delivery compared to last time. I could do that another hundred times. We went to the hospital shortly after my last post. I'll post more on the delivery later.

I'm well, she's well and LD is adjusting to being a big brother very nicely so far. Much better than i expected. My inlaws got here the day after she was born so everyone is settling in. I got home today with her. It was actually quite nice having her all to myself for a few days. Serious bonding and that baby smell is like smelling heaven. It all worked out in its own way and I really couldn't ask for anything more. Alhamdulillah. God is good.

Still here!

Just miserable. No regular contractions but more dilation. Weird. Husband is back. He was just gone for the afternoon in NYC and that's only an hour away. His parents will be here tomorrow as long as the plane takes off. I keep feeling it's today because i'm pretty miserable and have been having contractions off and on all day but nothing regular. We'll see what happens! I hope my husband gets to be in the room for the birth. I may just try to have him sneak in with LD if it happens tonight. What are they going to do, throw him out of the hospital?

Thanks for your thoughts and messages......just haven't been online at all today.

well this makes me feel so much better...

weekly email from whattoexpect.com

Week 39: Labor Fears

"I hear all these nightmare labor stories — how will I handle the pain?"
What type of labor story is a better tell? One embellished with horror ("My water broke in the middle of the supermarket." "The hospital sent me back home three times because I wasn't really in labor yet, and then I practically gave birth on the freeway." "I was in back labor for 53 hours"), or one that's peaceful, calm, and hitch-free? Though there are probably at least as many positive birth experiences as there are negative ones, the truth is that an easy and uneventful labor and delivery makes for a much less compelling anecdote. Which means that the good birth stories don't get circulated as much as the bad ones do.

So keep that in mind as you consider the following: Childbirth is a normal life process — something women have been experiencing as long as…well, as long as there have been women. It comes with pain, sure, but it's a pain with a purpose, a positive purpose: to thin and open your cervix, and bring your baby one step closer to your arms. And it's also a pain with a built-in time limit on it. You might not believe it (especially somewhere around the five-centimeter mark), but labor won't last forever. Not only that, but the pain of childbirth is a pain you don't even have to endure at all if you don't want to. Pain medication is always just a request away, should you end up needing it or wanting it.

Something else to keep in mind (and to ease your mind): The best way to nip the fear of childbirth in the bud is to become as educated as you can about it. (In other words, what you don't know can hurt you more than it should!) So read all about it (as you're doing now), remember what you learned in your childbirth education class, watch a video or two (popcorn anyone?), and keep talking to other new moms (though take those horror stories with a grain or two of salt — and maybe some popcorn).

Finally, no matter what kind of labor you end up experiencing, you'll be much more comfortable with company. Whether you have your partner there to comfort you, a doula to massage your back, or a friend to wipe your brow — or if you really like company, all three — a little support can go a long way in easing your fears.

And remember: Generations of women before you have labored, delivered, and lived to tell (and embellish) about it. Soon you will too!

Here's to a happy ending to your childbirth tale, Heidi

Very near....

It was a crazy intense day yesterday. I was running a few errands (getting presents in the mail etc) and i felt some serious cramping. Picked the little man up from preschool and headed to the hospital. Nothing regular enough so they sent me home but they told me not to walk, or do anything really because i was so close and because my husband was in NYC yesterday. They told me they would probably see me overnight although the doctor really wanted to induce right then since i'm so ready and getting closer to 5 cm and much more effaced. They said when i reach five they won't let me go home. We changed my inlaws tickets to Sunday the other day but I have a feeling they aren't going to make it. I was trying to finish that quilt for the storm today but the contractions were so intense i couldn't. You should see the messy binding job lol. That'll be a story for my girl. Anywaaaay, to make matters worse the one friend that is here right now backed out of being our backup for LD. She said "with it being this time of year, i just can't commit to being there for you right now." The friendship ended there. Loyalty is huge to me. I would be there for my neighbor who i don't even know on any day of the year if she was in need for this sort of thing. That's just the type of person I am. I don't have a lot of friends because i tend to want friends who treat me how i treat them but the friends i make tend to be good. I don't have that many here yet. My better friends are all in India right now. It looks like I'll be delivering the baby on my own. Sad my husband won't be able to witness it. It's probably going to be today or tomorrow. With the storm, i'm sure it'll happen at 3 am when the roads are icy. Sooo, there was no resting yesterday. LD missed his nap which made the rest of the day useless for both of us, but today, while he sleeps and it snows i'm going to finish the quilt so he can have it to snuggle under when he wakes up and we can read our winter books and relax with cozy time. I'm betting though, when that last stitch is in, we'll have blast off. Keep us in your thoughts please!

Monster Truck t-shirt

Monster Truck t-shirt
Originally uploaded by wayfarer

Drawing by Little Dude.

Painted on a t-shirt by me.

(will be) Loved by Grandpa who owns a monster truck unbeknownst to Little Dude. That'll be a big surprise when we visit Grandpa this Spring/Summer. He's going to freak when he gets to actually ride in one.

I think this is a great present for my Dad and am pretty sure he's going to wear it with pride.

LD's Hospital bag

LD's Hospital bag
Originally uploaded by wayfarer

Filled with lots of goodies, art supplies, and prezzies to keep him busy during hospital visits while I'm giving labor and the day after. I think it's more of a gift to my inlaws (if they make it for delivery as planned) to keep him occupied.

After it will be his busy bag. What we take to restaurants to keep him busy so he will stay sititng. Glue, scissors, watercolors, dixie cups for watercolors, stickers, paper. Works like a charm.

Made of Japanese linen/cotton blend. Too cute of a print. I put those wood wheel looking things to help him close it up. Easier than knots. I need to make the ribbons a little longer which i plan to do today.

Tutorial found here: happythings.typepad.com/happythings/2006/04/dsb_101_simpl...

So easy!

today:

1. Relax
2. Bind Quilt
3. Finish packing hospital bag. Drop off preregistration forms i promptly filled out at 30 weeks and found yesterday unmailed. Eek.
4. Relax some more during LD's naptime.
5. Drink some eggnog. Love eggnog. She does too. Feel those kicks some more before they leave my body.
6. Send out Christmas cards and gifts. Love what i made for my dad. Will show soon.
7. Make sure they have my information for my cord blood donation. I wish i would have donated it the last time. I didn't realize that was an option. I think of the Qur'an verse about how saving one life is like saving all of humanity. Feels good to think I could help out a child or adult. We should probably bank it ourself but it's a hefty fee and I read that it only works in the amount taken a percentage of the time. But with a bank it could actually save lives for sure. Like that.
8. Sit in the glider and wait for my little girl and knit away.

we have lift off

Well the doctor says i'm ready to go any second and they probably won't need to induce because baby is on her way. She said the next thing that will happen is labor or my water breaking because i'm already 4 cm and 50% effaced. I know this energy burst this past week was something because i knocked out my list and another list after that. I've gotten everything done besides christmas cards in the mail (gift cards being picked up tonight so that should be done tomorrow) and my hospital bag packed. I got little dude's done and it's so cute. Love it. The quilt is done except the binding. My husband picked up the wrong size but the right size is being picked up now so that should be done tonight or tomorrow. I imagine as soon as i get these three things done, i just might go into labor. She kept stressing to me that if i get consistent contractions to not mess around because she's betting this labor is going to go fast the way i'm progressing and the hospital is 30 minutes away. Too bad my doctor is out of town until the 21st so it will be the oncall doctor if it does happen now.

My brilliant husband scheduled a meeting 4 hours away in RI for Saturday and just now told me about it. I told him he better not go. We don't know anyone here to really rely on. I'm freaking out now. I wish my inlaws could come early because it looks like i'll be delivering this baby on my own with no hubby in the room because he's going to have to stay with ld and they don't allow kids in the rooms. They don't think i'll make it until Monday let alone the 25th. But we'll see. I was told with LD the same thing and he never came on his own but i do feel different this time too.

Mean People Suck

We have had a lot of burglaries in our neighborhood these past two weeks. It's making me nervous. When we moved here from Atlanta, I felt so safe. In Atlanta I never felt safe, not one moment. I remember when women were getting mugged who had small children. Men would hold them up at gunpoint as they were trying to put their kids in the car. This was at my local grocery store that i shopped at. I know people are having a hard time this time of year and probably want a nice holiday for their family but it makes me so mad that they feel they can do this at another's expense. I would easily hand over money to someone asking for it in need but when people violate my home, my space and my personal belongings it is another thing. I have been working on my photos a lot lately and keep the hard drive attached to my laptop. Now before leaving my house I have to be sure to unplug it because it would kill me if that got taken with my computer. I could care less about the computer but that hard drive would seriously put me over the edge. They are moving closer and closer to our house. It scares me having little one(s) in the house. And my inlaws too who will be here soon. Hopefully it will stop after Christmas. Mean people seriously suck. I always felt so safe here. Sort of like we were living in a bubble but as all bubbles do, mine just got popped.

Crazy talk

Little Dude is just plain irrational these days and it's driving me nuts. The level of our conversations has really gone done in quality too. This is how our conversations go these days.

LD: Mommy?
Me: Yes?
LD: No Mommy say 'yes dear'. (this is how i often respond to him)
Me: Yes dear.
LD: No Mommy. Don't say 'yes dear'. Say "yeeees?"
Grrrr.

LD: Mommy?
Me: Yeah?
LD: Mommy?
Me: Yes?
LD: Mommy?
Me: WHAT?

He loves doing this and I swear he says Mommy one hundred times an hour. The other day we started counting and it was 20 times in a matter of minutes. I never thought i'd tire of being called Mommy but it's getting awfully close.

LD: Mommy?
Me: Yes?
LD: Can I have (fill in the blank)?
Me: No.
LD: Why?
Me: Because (give rational reason)
LD: Why?
Me: (give rational reason one more time)
LD: Mommy?
Me: Yeah?
LD: Can I have (fill in the blank with same thing you did last time)
Me: No.
LD: Why?
Me: Because I said so. (i swore i'd never say this to him but alas the time has come)
LD: Why?

or this same conversation goes this way...

LD: Mommy?
Me: Yes?
LD: Can I have (fill in the blank)?
Me: No.
LD: Why?
Me: Because (give rational reason)
LD: But (blah blah blah)
Me: That's fine, but this is the last time/last one/etc
LD: I don't want (fill in the blank).
Me: You just said you did.
LD: No, i don't want (fill in the blank)
Me: Okay, then don't have (fill in the blank)
LD: But I want (fill in the blank).
Me: Then have it.
LD: No. I don't want (fill in the blank). I want (new fill in the blank).
(repeat)

GrrRRRRRRRRRRR. I swear. I love the kid but i firmly hold the belief that right when you are fed up and want to throttle them, they do something cute. This was God's brilliant plan to keep humankind growing. Because I kid you not, it's like perfect timing. Like this...

I swatted his bottom lightly so he'd move out of my way after refusing to so he goes around singing, not just saying it but singing a song.... "mommy hit my bottom. mommy hit my bottom." Then he says to my husband "can you kiss my bottom?"

Life with 3 year olds. Never a dull moment. Nor a peaceful moment.

***All conversations here were held in the last 15 minutes but repeated many times throughout the day.

Won!

Soar
Originally uploaded by Creative Kismet

I don't enter very many giveaways but every now and then i see something i just want but rarely i win. When Creative Kismet was giving away this print for her store opening I just had to enter and I won!. I love it and it will be so cute in my little girl's room or playroom, exact location yet to be determined. So sweet. Her prints are just too cute and her blog is fun to read.

A Year of Mornings 27

A Year of Mornings 27
Originally uploaded by wayfarer

Part of a scrapbook page.
--------------------------------
Nesting: Nesting is the term used to refer to an expectant mother’s instinct which gives her a surge of energy which prompts her to clean and do various chores around her home. Nesting usually arises as the mother nears her due date.
-------------------------------
No kidding. I haven't been able to muster energy for much these days but yesterday, yesterday I was on a mission and I think I scared my husband and the little dude too. My husband kept laughing at me and my son just kept asking me what i was doing. I had no self control.

Today some errands need to be run but i think i should be able to knock out that list today besides the christmas cards, binding of quilt (handmaking), scrapbook and cooking. I definately feel it's doable and the rest should be done this week. My husband was shocked at what i accomplished yesterday - all with LD by my side. I was beat at the end though. The closets were torture. But boy does it feel better to go into both now.

Carseat is washed and clean, little girl laundry clean and folded waiting. Pictures organized! That's the one I can't believe i accomplished. I need to get another backup hard drive though to finish completely since this one is full. Easy enough. I'm feeling more settled now. Just need to figure out the whole where-is-little-dude-going-to-sleep dilemna. We're going to let him pick a bed set today and everything to go with it. Hopefully that'll make his room more cozy and he'll want to stay there...until at least 5 am. That'd be progress.

Thank God the energy came because I needed it. I'll feel settled once that list is done. There are other things I would have liked to have gotten done but these are what i feel i have to do so i can relax the next week or two. These next two weeks we have lots of library programs and other fun stuff to do. I want the next two weeks to be about me and my little guy before baby girl comes to town. I want to go on train rides, have fires, cuddle, and just be.

To do.

1. Finish quilting quilt. Need it to cover couch from spitup.
2. Make 4 pairs of pajamas for Little Dude. The boy is growing like a weed now!
3. Clean fridge, flush with baking soda and water.
4. Cook two weeks of meals for freezer so inlaws don't have to worry about food for first week or two.
5. Clean out closets. Get donations together and dropped off.
6. Finish printing and organizing 3 years of photos on hard drive.
7. Get LD's scrapbook halfway done. at least.
8. Oil change, winterize car.
9. Laundry.
10. Find all marbles and magnets and lock up.
11. Pack hospital bag.
12. Make Little Dude's hospital bag. I'm making an art bag with a few surprises to keep him occupied in the waiting room.
13. Mail Christmas cards and gift cards. No shopping this year. Just gift cards and two homemade gifts for the grandparents. Keeping it easy.

I know there's more but this is what i plan on getting done this weekend. Wish me luck!

freaking out

Just got back from the doctor and we have a date. Doctor wanted to do the 22nd and since that is only how many fingers i have on two hands i said, Ummm, is there a later date? Thank God there was. Two weeks and the little one will be here, if not already. Unbelievable! The doctor seems to think I may go early. I'm dilating good now but then they said that with Little Dude and he ended up being two weeks late and that was with an induction. Who knows how long he would have stayed in there. Excited and freaking out. I gotta go clean, and organize, and and and. Eek!

and all was right in the world again...

I saw my chunky monkey today. And she IS a chunky one. They wanted to do an ultrasound since i haven't had one since 4 months and to estimate size. Funny little one kept opening and closing her mouth while playing peek a poo with her hand. She has the chunkiest cheeks I've ever seen. It seriously looks like she's got a cheek full of something. Too funny. Now I can't wait to see her for real and hold her. I'm happy to see she's a healthy active little one though. InshAllah. She was making us all laugh with her mouth going a mile a minute. Another nonstop talker?

And.........I was able to retrieve most of the pictures. I know it shouldn't matter so much to me, but it does. I thought they were gone gone but luckily the photo editing program i have saves versions of them and i was able to get the uncorrupted ones. Better than nothing. I'm really trying to catch up on his book before baby comes so we can look through it during long nursing sessions those early months. He's been so happy to see the pages i finish and it would give us some nice time together.

A Year of Mornings 22

A Year of Mornings 22
Originally uploaded by wayfarer

Today I feel fat, tired and cranky. I feel fat because well, i am. Yeah, it's a baby but the appearance of stretch marks will ruin any mood.

I'm tired because for the last two nights I have had one kid kicking me or another. Preparing me for what I'm in for i guess. LD is having sleep issues and since he sleeps with me it means i'm having sleep issues which i was already having anyway.

Cranky because after an enjoyable evening of cleaning house (more nesting, than cleaning), organizing the silverware drawer -God knows why. Hanging lights inside the house because I love white lights in the house. So cozy in the winter evenings to have lights off and only candles and white twinkly lights. LD and i had just baked a huge batch of Peanut Butter Blossom cookies. Yum. And then while hubby was putting the boy to sleep, i stumbled on something that put me in a sour mood where i've pretty much stayed since. 3 months of pictures are missing off my hard drive. Gone. It made me cry. I'm hormonal but i think i would have gotten really upset anyway. I don't have any pictures of me as a kid. No stories really either except disturbing ones. Like how I used to say i wanted to die so i could become an angel like my sister. (i was 4). Yeah, these are the stories I was passed. And how I would hide from everyone and sleep in cardboard boxes or nap under a tree outside. It wasn't a happy childhood. Perhaps why I strive so hard to give this to my son. God was good to me and gave me a beautiful soul to nurture and soon another insh'Allah when I never thought I'd be able to even have kids. I care about documenting my little guy's journey through life lest he forget. I have a scrapbook for him where i tell him stories and have trouble editing pictures down to a page's worth. I want him to know who he was, where he came from and that he is loved beyond measure. Three months of that is gone.

But there are more important things to focus on, so today, I'm eating chocolate. That box right there on the floor is "all done" as little dude would say and brownies are in the oven. I don't even like chocolates. Hormones are pesky little things.

Eid Mubarak!

A Year of Mornings 21
Originally uploaded by wayfarer

It appears a lot of people are celebrating Eid today instead of tomorrow so I'm going to say Eid Mubarak now. I hope everyone has a wonderful day filled with family, happiness and peace.

A Year of Mornings 20

A Year of Mornings 20
Originally uploaded by wayfarer

This morning 7:30 a.m. Hot chocolate for two by the fire while daddy snores away. A very light dusting of snow outside.

A Year of Mornings 16

A Year of Mornings 16
Originally uploaded by wayfarer

I finished the red and white quilt top and really want to get stitching it but it's not going to happen today. Busy day today. School, doctor, birthday party, grocery shopping. I will get the back pieced (just 3 pieces but still that takes time) and then hopefully get stitching tomorrow. LD keeps asking if it's done yet. He loves the patterns and fabrics on here and keeps asking for it lol. That's what got me doing it so quick. It was a hard one to piece because of the different fabrics and the jersey kept messing things up. It's far from perfect but we all love it and can't wait to cuddle under it. It's the biggest i've made so far.

I've been thinking about a quilt for baby but couldn't find fabrics i liked. I think i need to see her and feel her before I can choose fabric for her. BUT, i saw this pattern and love the whimsical nature of it. I remembered some 2 inch reproduction feedsack squares i scored off Ebay several months ago that i planned on using for the sampler quilt i started but never finished and thought, yup. This pattern is much more involved, time speaking, than i really wanted or have time for but i'm doing it anyway. Hand cutting and pattern tracing. Ick. And to find out a quarter of the way through that i had the template i made faced wrong and had to start over. Double ick. And the fact that LD said "I want to help. These fabrics are pretty!" and I said "no" plain and simple but when i left him alone for a few minutes he took the scissors and DIDN'T help by cutting some of my finished and favorite pieces that i only had enough fabric for those few pieces so now i'm short of prints.

When he saw me see what he had done he looked so sad. He knew he did something that would really upset me. I didn't holler or put him on the naughty rug so he knew how upset i was. It's funny that he knew i was emotionally upset and not angry - that he knows the difference. He said "i'm sorry mommy." Sigh. I know how he loves fabric and scissors and he wants to be just like me. He's always saying "mommy, i'm making a craft, just like you!" How can i stay mad you know. The kid is addicted to scissors and glue. And he is so sure of himself and his abilities that he will find a way to do want he wants. I am going to put a quilting kit for him so he can glue pieces of fabric on paper and make a quilt. With his own special quilting scissors. Should make him happy.

But regardless of all that, i'm loving the fabrics, double love the pattern and can't wait to find some polka dot fabric around to back it with. Such a sweet pattern. Let's hope i can get it done.

Missing

Caterpiddar Express
Originally uploaded by wayfarer

Missing: two wooly bear cadapiddars last seen on the Caterpillar Express heading North.

Reward: one happy boy, and an even happier mom.