Bliss and the birth story

Thanks for all the well wishes! I'm always amazed by my friends and my online friends. Such a wonderful feeling you all give me.

We're doing well. I haven't been online much or anywhere really. I've just been holding my little one - i feel she's still in the womb somehow. Smaller than LD and she doesn't keep her eyes open for long yet. So I hold her and snuggle her and let her grow. Her first pediatrician appointment went well. She's already growing. A half inch in five days and she's right at birth weight. She was 7 lbs 15 ounces when born. Perfect size for an easy delivery. I seriously couldn't believe it.

I was in labor from 10 pm until 11 am with steady contractions and steady dilation but it was taking forever and I was starving. I hadn't eaten since noon the day before because i was waiting for my husband to get back from the store to make dinner. The contractions were becoming regular and he forgot the salmon so we just left for the hospital. We figured they were going to send me back home again and would just eat then. Just as they were about to release me (they only saw one contraction), they decided to track the contractions for another half hour and then they turned into 2 minutes apart. They stayed that way then went to every ten minutes. So weird. I didn't take an epidural and just laid there all night miserably hungry and worried about my husband and son in the waiting room. I only had one bar left on my cell phone, there was a bad snow storm outside and I didn't want to call in case they were sleeping. Not one ounce of sleep. At 7 I became miserably hungry and stressed out. I cried wanting to see my husband and son. I hated being alone in there. We called my mother in laws cousin to come so hubby could at least see the birth. I went ahead and let her break my water. I had refused through the night knowing that if we did, there was a very slim chance that we could get someone to the hospital to watch LD so i wouldn't let her. Then being so hungry around 9 a.m. i finally agreed to the pitocin. The nurse didn't want to check my dilation but i swore i was ready. Around 11 a.m. i felt her coming and the nurse wasn't believing me. I said "just check please." Sure enough, there was her head. A half hour of pushing which could have been shorter if i wasn't so nautious from being hungry. I seriously was in the most pain from being hungry which caused a bad headache and nausea. But still the pushing was easy. I didn't cry or scream out once. It was all very quiet and peaceful and there she was. Beautiful and perfect with such chubby little cheeks. I'm not used to such a small baby. It's weird how a pound and a half makes such a difference in delivery and size. She's so much smaller. She's actually wearing newborn clothes. I'm glad now i picked up a few things because LD went straight to 0-3 clothes. The hospital stay was nice too. It was actually nice to have her all to myself, snow outside and ice everywhere while i was in a cocoon with my little one. I don't think i let her out of my arms for more than a few minutes. When my husband and LD would visit it was wonderful too but savoring those alone minutes which have become so hard to get now really was something special and we bonded so fast because of it.

LD is doing much better than i could ever have imagined. He's changed in such a good way. He has emotional moments that seem to be from his desire to all of a sudden be responsible. And his feelings are very sensitive right now. He gets so upset if he does something wrong. So different from how he normally is. He's also been very careful around me. So weird to see the rambunctious boy i know to become so thoughtful. Our only real problem is that he wants her to play with him and gives her things like trains, marbles and magnets and hoists big toys on her (and me) unexpectedly. He explains to her what trains do and gives her his favorites. He won't let us play with his favorites when playing with him so that's a surprise. He also said "Baby doesn't like me. She doesn't talk to me." :-( We explained to him but he can't wait for her to get bigger and I want to keep her just the way she is. The sweetest moments are when he "reads" to her and sings her songs. MashAllah...those moments make me tear up.

I'm slow to respond to emails because i'm often one handed or nursing (i've been very greedy with her). I miss you all and love the messages I've got. You are all dear to me...thank you for everything.