Friday, September 26, 2008

good thing about being sick...

Originally uploaded by wayfarer
is that you don't want to get off the couch. Too bad 3 year olds don't understand that. I can't believe how long this thing is lasting. LD had it for a day and a half. Husband for 2 days and me, well so far 5 days. No signs of getting better either. Horrible horrible congestion.

The thing is i knit a hat (!). It didn't turn out perfect and took much longer than anticipated and it won't fit a newborn i don't think but still, it was an accomplishment and i think it's cute. I made LD a new hat too. I made his last one 2 years ago but it's lived its life. A very good life. We all loved it so i remade it without the earflaps and without the pixie point. It was so utterly satisfying to make this. It took all of two hours, looks great and we both love it. I forgot what it was like to start and finish something in a day...a rarity these days around here. Now if i could just get to weaving in the ends.... :-/

Wednesday, September 24, 2008

Been sick

I hate getting sick when pregnant. It lasts foreveeeeer and it's worse than normal and you can't do anything about it but whine which i've been doing plenty of. I feel like my head is going to explode.

We've had some fun this week though too. Hopefully i'll post pictures soon. Nature walks, fall crafts, some thrifting, some cooking and some harvesting. We finally went apple picking and tomato picking. With a fasting husband and such warm weather we've put it off until now but i couldn't wait any longer. I love our fall apple picking days. Making apple pies, applesauce etc. Pumpkin one will be lots of fun this year since little dude is seriously wanting to pick some pumpkins. We told him next weekend.

I did a little solstice thing without even realizing it was the soltice the other day. We had brought home eggs, zucchini and some other things from the farm and i made a harvest meal - potato and zucchini soup, corn muffins and deviled eggs and fresh pressed apple juice (okay, you got me on the apple juice lol, it was straight out of a bottle). Funny how solstice worked out that way. I don't normally do any solstice activities except talk about it (how the days change, seasons change) with ld. But i guess my body is in tune right now with God nature.

I've also been working on a few knitting things. I can't sew seams together though. I have no idea how. Any tips?

And on the preschool front. I resorted to bribery and guilt gifts to get ld to stop crying while there. He still gets up in the morning those two mornings sad and pouty and almost in tears but he puts his brave face on to go to school and once done he's happy. Today was the first time he was actually happy when i picked him up. The teacher said "he didn't say anything or cry about you today!" Oh yay. That makes me feel lovely. Do you know you are talking to a hormonal weeping at anything pregnant woman? No, i'm happy but ugh, that put a dark little hole in the corner of my heart. He says he wants to go every day now lol. Yeah right. That's real funny. Like i'm going to wrestle him into the car 5 days a week. REAL funny. I got him to stop crying by following these conditions (premeditated and first thought of by me, now enforced by ld):

- Must go to school with teddy in arms (he's never been attached to this bear and he's not at home but i gave him to him one morning to go to school with him and i told him if he gets lonely or sad for mommy to give him a hug. He carries the thing around with him all day at school. They can't pry it away from him).
- A picture of our family at the farm must be present and visible at school
- There must be a tissue in each pocket of his pants for his tears. (this one makes the teachers laugh but he was getting real upset because they didn't know what to do to get him to stop crying or what to do when he was done crying. He needed his tears wiped. Mommy does this for him.) Yes, he is my first born and he is spoiled and he is a mommy's boy and that is all fine by me. If his tears don't get wiped, he gets so upset.
- On one day after school we go out for doughnuts, the other for pizza, both walking distance from home and school.
- On nice days we walk to school. I think this one helped the most. I explained how all the kids go to school and since his school is right near the elementary school, he sees all kinds of kids rushing to school. This walk to school varies between being nervous, sad, happy, scared, and excited. Too much to think about to cry. And again, it makes him feel brave and big to do the things the big kids are doing.

Long list of requirements. :-) I just want him happy. He is a homebody and he's happiest with momma. He's sad going to school and it makes him a little nervous in the morning. He doesn't tend to sleep well or eat well on those mornings but the afternoons are good and since the cooler weather is slowly coming we have returned to doing crafts in the afternoon instead of playing outside. He likes "making crafts" as he says.

It's so weird that he says he wants to go to school more. Talk about mixed feelings. He likes a girl there and i think that's what makes him want to go more but i think the reality would be different. 3 year olds are so much more complex than 2 year olds and it only starts there. My little boy is growing so big in front of me. Even his little 3t jeans are big boy pants, no longer the little boy ones. Makes me so happy and so sad. I need more of these little people around to keep my busy from thinking about how fast they grow!

Wednesday, September 17, 2008

Big families

I've always wanted a big family. I didn't realize that until i was 30 and began wanting kids. Prior to that i saw myself as never having children. Until this pregnancy i was still thinking i would have 4. It took so long to get pregnant that i doubt that's possible now but still i would like 3. I was reading this article which i found on sometimes we do's blog. It's why i've always wanted more than a couple kids. Big families look like fun. Sure they are chaotic but how much joy they bring each other too and what a support system. For no real reason at all i feel sad for only children. I know the people that have only children are happy with that but the kids always seem so adult before their time and just not as joyful. Everyone around me now says "now you'll have one of each and your family is complete!" I just don't see it that way. I want more. I never cared if i had all boys, all girls, or a mixture. I always imagined myself with a brood of boys. There is not a single person encouraging me to have more and even there is one in my belly now, and one who drives me crazy half the time, i can't consider my family complete but everyone around me does. God will let me know if i should have more or not i feel.

Monday, September 15, 2008

Happy birthday little dude!


stress free fall

Once i cleaned up after little dude's party last night, i felt tingly all over and realized it was the stress melting away. For the first time in months I slept almost soundly waking only three times - usually to shift LD to the other side of the bed from on top of me. The kid is like a cat. Must be wrapped around me and tangled in my hair.

But still, it was good sleep. He's 3 tomorrow and 3 isn't looking like fun from the signs of the past week. S-T-U-B-B-O-R-N to the nth degree. I thought he was strong headed before but now he just irrational. I can't make him sleep, i can't make him eat. I can only hope and play mind games.

At least i don't have all that other stress going on anymore. I began going through pictures to print for scrapbooking, i revisited my sewing room and gathered the things needed to finish a few projects off and to begin a few, i didn't do anything during LD's nap today but laze around. So needed. Tomorrow we'll do something special. Either go to the train museum or Crayola Factory and then go apple picking for the first time this year. We're late because it's been too hot. But i'm looking forward for the next six weeks or so of picking each weekend and making applesauce, apple pies, etc. Love apple season. It's become a tradition ever since we moved here. It helps that we have several farms minutes from our house.

Fall is finally here. My favorite season. Love the colors, the temperature, my son's birthday, the hominess of it. All of it. I was looking through our fall pictures last year and just smiled. Happy fall!

Friday, September 12, 2008

button hoarding

It is official. I'm a button hoarder. I love the dang things and now my son does too. He collection is rivaling mine. He loves driving his snow plows through them and just playing with him just like his mama. I see bags like this at a thrift store and i can't leave them behind. This is just a portion of what i brought home a few weeks ago. At $1 a bag, you really can't go wrong. I should post some pictures of my entire button collection. I use them for sewing, crafting and LD's collage and art projects too. Have any other ideas for me to use them so i quit hoarding? Best idea probably deserves a reward so a bag of mixed vintage and new buttons will be headed your way.

(more pictures are up on flickr)

Happy days are almost here (long rant)

This has been a horrible week. By Wednesday i was a broken basket of nerves. Little Dude just isn't adjusting to preschool. They called to tell me he was crying off and on most the day. He wouldn't play on the playground. Just stood there asking the teacher "is it time to go yet?". Wait a few more minutes and then would ask again while crying and wiping his nose. His eyes were so bloodshot when i got there. Guilt. I didn't even get anything done while he was there. I was supposed to finish my book review and get organized for the party and also help organize the neighborhood party. With them calling me pushing stuff on me and pressuring me and my own guilty feelings for dropping off my son crying i was losing it. I finally went and picked him up a little early and took him out for mommy special time. Thursday was much the same. I dropped him down to two mornings against everyone's advice - they all say they adjust better with more days. I just can't do it. He's only three for God's sake. Hardly the age to be out there in the world on his own and expected to be tough. My friends think i'm a wuss. I seriously thought of pulling him out altogether. After all i only have a few more years until he starts big boy stuff and is at school the majority of his day. I only did preschool to give him some social time but i didn't want all of this.

Anyway, it seemed to be a dump on me sort of day with everyone making demands and dumping their emotional baggage on me. I couldn't get a thing done. With LD now distraught with school he's not taking a proper nap and i haven't been able to get a thing done. My husband has been working until 10 at night this month making it even harder. This week was the height of stress until today. I stayed up late last night super late and got the thing done, reread it today and sent it off. 800 pages of nonfiction is a lot. Heavy material too. Trying to stuff that into naptime isn't easy or easy on my sanity.

Instead of being responsible and running the errands i was supposed to be running today we went thrifting. LD is all of a sudden into the little legos. I love this because i love legos and finally it's something i don't get bored playing with him. The duplos are boring but he seems to enjoy the little ones, even if i have to build the stuff he tells me the pieces to use. I get so bored with the trains and cars because he only lets me play with certain trains a certain way and only certain cars lol. Now we are getting into interactive creative play and he's also really into drawing which we do together. Fun stuff. So anyway, i was on a mission to go find some buckets of legos and score i did- 4 buckets. Woo hoo. We're going to get party decorations this afternoon and then play legos. Then tonight i need to finish sewing the party giveaways - crayon rolls and art totes with art supplies. I also want to do some Ramadan projects with him. When i'm stressed out, my mind closes off and my body shuts down and i just can't function. Now i can feel myself normalize again.

With the review off my hands and sent, a little stress went with it, with no school today for him, a little more and then getting all the party stuff tonight, more will go, tomorrow i'll cook and sew and more will let go. By his party on Sunday i will be good to go and me again. Monday will be a dream and i'm planning and LD and mommy day doing something really fun then on his birthday all three and a half of us will do something really fun. Maybe NYC train museum or Crayola Factory in Pennsylvania. My mom can't make. She's just too sick. (another stresser of the week). The doctor cut me off from flying. She can't fly because she's deathly ill and needing surgery but the surgery is very risky to her heart. I want to see her, she wants to see me and neither of us can fly. It's killing me that i may never see my mother again. I'm trying to keep positive and pray for her and that we'll have a little time together but we each have a time, and her time, as i've known for a long time, is inching closer and closer to the end.

I gotta keep strong though. So many things weigh on me these days. Another one is a friend's baby is going through chemotherapy. She only has a 50/50 chance of living. Imagine a nine month old going through chemo. Kills me and there isn't a day i go without thinking about it and sad that we can't visit them. Life is a test. Must remember this. After Tuesday i'm going to do some needed Ramadan reading, an overhaul on my spirituality, and hopefully get back to preparing for my much anticipated little one.

This post has been a long ramble. Anyone stick it out till the end?

Tuesday, September 09, 2008


I finally finally started reviewing that beast of a book and have a rough draft and looked through the 700 pages at my notes, underlinings and exclamation points. Slavery was horrible. Just horrible. I have always thought so but now i see it in a whole different light and I'm glad. I'm blog more on it later.

I'm glad i finally got going on it. I was inspired when i realized that this is quite possibly the last time i have to procrastinate like this. From this point forward, i only have to procrastinate at home (you know, dishes, laundry, etc and well my family is kind of broken in that way and it's not stressful like writing procrastination). I have a feeling i'll never write the novel i long to write lol.

I feel a weight lifted and it should be pretty easy to get draft one done tomorrow during LD's nap time and then tomorrow night draft 2 and then next nap time final one done. Then i can have fun again....get back to nesting and cleaning house and the long list of craft projects i have lined up. My husband must like it when i'm pregnant because it's the only time i really love to clean. Scary. It's like a sickness. I also want to get caught up on my son's scrapbook which is like 2 years behind. oops. That's probably my biggest goal before baby. Oh great, now i'm all stressed out again thinking about that. I'm full of energy from the chocolate i've been consuming while writing and not at all tired yet it is half past 12 and the little rugrat will be up at 6:30 for an early reading of Jamberry - his favorite book for -dare i say it -years now, which immediately after reading requires a real breakfast of jamberries - a rather newish trend that i started a few months ago. Better try to sleep although the baby keeps kicking me for more chocolate. Oh okay little one, one more, then it's bedtime. See i even procrastinate bedtime. No wonder my son has such bad habits.

Sunday, September 07, 2008

"Chore chart"

LD has serious issues with transitions. Always has. Leaving the house to go somewhere he loves (playground, etc) is a serious event. I'm always looking for ways to help with transitions. Usually it's giving lots of verbal warnings ('we're leaving in a half hour' then "we're leaving in 15 minutes" etc. "Today we are doing x." "Tomorrow we are doing x".)

I saw this nifty door hanger idea on Let's Explore. I had to make it right away once i found out how she did the clip art. I love it. It's not perfect and it's the first time i've used Mod Podge (wooo hoooo! i'll be doing that a lot more!) but i think it's going to come in real handy. It has one side for day and one for night.

(the edges are rough right now and i'll fix that after it's completely dry)


I can never sleep these days. If it's not LD, it's the baby inside. If it's neither of them, it's these dreams. I woke up at 4 a.m. crying this morning. I had a dream that i went to jail and I don't even know why and i never even asked them. It was strange. I wasn't even concerned or scared. I just asked how many days and they said 10. I thought of my son and have never really been away from him and just cried and cried. I woke up with tears in my eyes, felt his hand tangled in my hair, breathing that sweet heavy breathing of night and peace and just felt so many feelings i couldn't go back to sleep. These dang hormones and lack of sleep just won't give me the rest i need.

I've been working really hard at reorganizing the house. Moving everything from the storage room and making it the baby room. Revamping LD's playroom and bedroom. Cleaning out the sewing/craft/office room and purging. Just organizing everything. Definately nesting. I worked on it from sunup to sundown yesterday and was exhausted. I could easily sleep in today because LD is still sleeping and from the sound of it will be for a while - he always sleeps in when i get up early but the days i need to get a little rest he's raring to go.'t.even.have.much.of.that. :-/

Friday, September 05, 2008

I take it all back.

Today LD refused to go to school. As soon as i said "we need to get ready for school" he melted down. "I don't want to go mommy!" Hid his shoes, cried and said he was too tired. I thought he was doing good because last night he was in the best mood i've ever seen him in and i thought school was part of it. Now i'm thinking it's because he was back home with me. Needless to say, he didn't go to school today. I cannot send my son crying and clinging to me so i think i'll switch to 2 mornings only. Maybe that will work. I'm not willing to fight him out the door every day. Just too tired for that these days. I really need the time though because LD is so difficult out. Today was pure misery. I had plans to get stuff done and put him in those but grocery shopping was a misery. He wants to hug and kiss me the whole time and if i pull away he cries and hits. He's not this way. I don't get what is going on. I was a little grumpy to begin with because i had a full day of errands and knew he was going to do great but i thought since i didn't make him go to school he'd tough it out. I guess that concept is not there for him. It's annoying too when you are paying to have your kid somewhere and they are not there but with you driving you crazy. I hope next week is better.

Thursday, September 04, 2008


The other night Little Dude looked at all our legs and he said "white" and pointed to my leg, "white" and pointed to his leg, and then "brown" and pointed to my husband's leg. My husband said "White. Light Brown. Brown." and Little Dude said "no. white. white. and brown."

By the end of it, it was decided, "white, light brown, and brown". Kind of a funny innocent thing he noticed all on his own.

We've been having preschool angst over here. I wanted to send him to this great environmental montessori school that has a great nature program and nature walks with a botanist coming in and teaching the kids a half hour per morning. It was a couple mornings a week and really cheap as far as preschools go around here. But there was a little bit of a drive involved and with a baby coming and with it only being a few hours a morning a couple times a week it would cut into the errand running i need to do because it takes a half hour to go anywhere here. Throw a nursing in there and i'd probably be late for pickups. Everything is far here. So we put him in the overpriced daycare preschool in the neighborhood. He cried. I cried - after leaving. I hated the place. The broken toys, the mismatched stuff, the teacher, everything. I was going to pull him out and put him in the school of my original plan with it's neatly organized materials and wonderful layout of a room and loving nurturing teachers.

Well apparantly the kid cries a lot at this school but loves it. He cries when i leave, he cries when they go outside (so strange! they think it's because he thinks he's leaving) and he cries when i pick him up. He begs me to take him to pizza and then crashes for his nap. He wakes up happy and excitedly talks about all the things that happened at school. He has learned some very interesting things as well. Sigh. Montessori it is not. But the kid seems to be very happy there and much more like a three year old than the four year old he tends to act like. Even when he's crying after and i ask if he likes the school and has fun, through his tears he says yes. It must be jitters and the fact that he's gotten very very attached to me over the summer. Clingy. Won't do anything without me. Things i am him at times. He has been the sweetest kid since starting this school. Keeps telling me how much he loves me and wants to take care of me. All of a sudden he has quit taken me for granted and really appreciated me. I'm loving it. And i've never seen him so happy either.

Tuesday, September 02, 2008


I'm trying to create traditions for our family for Ramadan, Muharram, etc. I'll share some as i come up with them. I think it's important to make our holidays stand out at home. When i came to Islam, the first thing i missed was traditions and the fun of holidays.

Islam by nature doesn't have the bells and whistles that American holidays do nor does it need to, but i think for kids it's fun and important to have traditions and memories of special family times centered around belief and family. I want him to feel proud of his faith. I read in a Jeffrey Lang book that 80% of American Muslims and second generation Muslim youth lose their religion. They say "my parents are Muslim" etc. and don't identify with the faith. I am hoping that by creating traditions, my kids will not lose that part of their identity.

Here is one simple thing i've done so far and will now continue to do each year. Made LD some "moonsighting" pajamas for Ramadan. I had planned to make us a matching pair since it was from a sheet with plenty of fabric and because he loves it when he matches one of us. My big ole pregnant self didn't fit in my pair which i mismeasured. Sad cause now i don't have enough to make them so i'm debating on making a capri pair for me or keep the fabric for another pair next year for him and matching ones for his little sis (insh'Allah).

As soon as he saw these (they took all of 15 minutes to make) he wanted them on and on they remain. :-) Love that he loves the things i make for him. He keeps saying "moon, stars and POLKaaaaa dots!"

Monday, September 01, 2008

Ramadan Mubarak!

Ramadan Mubarak to all those who celebrate this blessed month. I won't be fasting from food but will be working on other things and reading Qur'an. I hope it's a rewarding and blessed month for all....