Tuesday, December 09, 2008

A Year of Mornings 22

A Year of Mornings 22
Originally uploaded by wayfarer
Today I feel fat, tired and cranky. I feel fat because well, i am. Yeah, it's a baby but the appearance of stretch marks will ruin any mood.

I'm tired because for the last two nights I have had one kid kicking me or another. Preparing me for what I'm in for i guess. LD is having sleep issues and since he sleeps with me it means i'm having sleep issues which i was already having anyway.

Cranky because after an enjoyable evening of cleaning house (more nesting, than cleaning), organizing the silverware drawer -God knows why. Hanging lights inside the house because I love white lights in the house. So cozy in the winter evenings to have lights off and only candles and white twinkly lights. LD and i had just baked a huge batch of Peanut Butter Blossom cookies. Yum. And then while hubby was putting the boy to sleep, i stumbled on something that put me in a sour mood where i've pretty much stayed since. 3 months of pictures are missing off my hard drive. Gone. It made me cry. I'm hormonal but i think i would have gotten really upset anyway. I don't have any pictures of me as a kid. No stories really either except disturbing ones. Like how I used to say i wanted to die so i could become an angel like my sister. (i was 4). Yeah, these are the stories I was passed. And how I would hide from everyone and sleep in cardboard boxes or nap under a tree outside. It wasn't a happy childhood. Perhaps why I strive so hard to give this to my son. God was good to me and gave me a beautiful soul to nurture and soon another insh'Allah when I never thought I'd be able to even have kids. I care about documenting my little guy's journey through life lest he forget. I have a scrapbook for him where i tell him stories and have trouble editing pictures down to a page's worth. I want him to know who he was, where he came from and that he is loved beyond measure. Three months of that is gone.

But there are more important things to focus on, so today, I'm eating chocolate. That box right there on the floor is "all done" as little dude would say and brownies are in the oven. I don't even like chocolates. Hormones are pesky little things.


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