Randomness off my chest

Double pointed needles are driving me nuts. I have a half finished hat but can't figure out the double pointed needles to finish it and it's irking me. I quit.

Yesterday LD told me "I don't love you anymore mommy." I cried. I knew i was supposed to not cry so he wouldn't get a strong response but i'm pregnant and hormonal and i did. It broke my heart. Then he kept saying it over and over to drive the knife in a little bit more. Why does he not love me? Because he didn't want to quit playing to go to gymnastics, an activity that he loves more than anything. I'm so mean.

Now LD is having seperation anxiety from daddy. Preschool is hell. I dropped him off today and now he's not only crying for me but for daddy. I'm pulling him out but they require a 60 day notice. Joy of joys. 2 more months of hell.

People keep telling me "you're hardly showing at all...blah blah blah" and i feel huge huge huge. I gained ten pounds this month. I was doing good till now. I blame apple pie and a fasting husband. I had to eat more leftovers and desserts. Baby is getting rambunctious in there too. I probably spelled that wrong but i don't care. My writing days are over. I quit that. for now.

LD has been noticing people. He now points at black people and asks "what kind of mommy is that?" ugh. If we still lived in Atlanta we wouldn't have this issue. He also notices overweight people and says with a big happy grin (not mean but actually really happy) and deep voice "that's a biiiiiig lady/one." He calls women ladies or mommies and men either daddy's or one's. I try to explain to him the differences of people and we read books about it and i think/hope it's only natural because he's so observant but it's downright embarrassing when you pass someone, she smiles at him, he smiles at her and then he innocently looks up at me and says "that's a big one!" with excited surprised raised eyebrows and innocent smile. Wheelchairs are a whole nother thing. He has a playmate whose dad is in one so he is a little familiar with them but still he loves things with wheels and well they have wells and he thinks it's "cool."

Three years old is long and arduous. I don't think i'll survive. Everything is a battle. Mr. Man knows everything and i'm just in the way. Until it comes to my hair which he still thinks he owns and insists on twirling while sleeping. If i don't comply he tries to turn me over saying "i need my hair." I feel so used. How a baby is going to fit into our sleep situation is terrifying me. LD is a light sleeper and when he wakes up he stays up no matter the time and is a ball of energy. The kid just doesn't sleep well at night. He takes a decent nap but man early mornings are numerous around here. I'm talking long before the sun early. We were playing playmobil at 6 in the morning today. I think i'm a sucker and have no boundries so he doesn't either. I suck at this mom thing.

the end.